Lean on Him

"I WANT YOU TO BE ALL MINE.  I am weaning you from other dependencies.  Your security rests in Me alone-- not in other people, not in circumstances.  Depending only on Me may feel like walking on a tightrope, but there is a safety net underneath:  the everlasting arms.  So don't  be afraid of falling.  Instead, look ahead to Me.  I am always before you beckoning you on--one step at a time.  Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, can separate you from My loving Presence."  Taken from Sarah Young's, Jesus Calling, daily devotional. 

When I first read this devotional I thought about it long and hard.  You see, there was nothing that was really different from any other sermon, lesson or commentary prior to my reading this.  Yet, I thought about where my attention had been focused since 2005 after being on a ventilator for 10 days and walking away from that hospital stay. Many males with SCD never get a chance to continue living; morbidity is high from such a traumatic event.  You see, I was afraid living and what might happen next. The passage started to percolate. Only God knows when it is time.  Our "circumstance" allows us to lean on other people and be dependant on them; like our caregivers, physicians and others to supply us the courage we need to walk that "tightrope"  of recovery and continuing on life's journey.  We often blame someone else for our setbacks and then applaud ourselves for successes or right decisions related to our healthy daily living.

I thought about all of my medical challenges over the years; infections, pulmonary issues, sleep apnea, acute chest syndrome, heart failure, total hip replacement, end stage renal disease, and neuropathy to name a few.  All of these issues interspersed with the Sickle Crisis have contributed to layers of baggage that I among others carry around on a daily basis.  These "circumstances" focused my attention on the wrong things.  How did I pull through?  God's Mercy and his desire for me to continue this journey.

Spreading the word, advocating a cure for SCD should be a daily focus in our lives.  Our ability to reach out to others with SCD around the world whether on Twitter or Facebook allows us to speak in one voice.  Many of us will advocate for economic reasons getting into the business for all the wrong reasons.  However a true test of our outreach should be to help others through testimonials, research, and spreading God's ambition for us to hear His "presence" and to never give up.

A True Blessing From God

Many times it is good to remind ourself of how Blessed we are no matter what afflictions or disease we may have. You see many times we get caught in trying to heal ourselves rather than letting God's love for us control the healing process.  That is why advocacy groups, blogs, songs and artistic expressions are so important to the healing process.  It lets us know that God has not left us, but is working through others so we can witness his love and prowess.  You see through others we recognize that we are not alone.

I write this because I am here in the hospital awaiting a transfusion.  I could be saddened because my goal was to be well for several more months. On the other hand I can be thankful because my hemoglobin level was detected by my peritoneal nurse during the draw of my weekly labs. The benefit is I am not in a pain crisis and not on pain meds. Another benefit and most importantly God's demostration of ultimate love is He allowed me to be home with my family throughout the holidays in positive spirits and health. You see, I think this was the first holiday since 2005 that I was able to enjoy the season, thanking Him who has all power and control.

God said we were like trees planted on the rivers edge and that He would supply all of our needs.  We try hard sometimes to supplant ourselves and thats where we mess up. We allow our judgment to cloud our faith rather than faith guiding our judgment.  So let's start the New Year off right by growing closer to God on the rivers edge.  As we deal with our health issues we must smooth the bumps in the road which take us away from the real purpose. God placed us here to be a beacon, an advocate who will work tiredless to find a cure for SCD.  God is in the Healing Business!

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas...Big Insurers

I was sitting at my desk editing my memoir when I began looking through the mail. My Medicare Access (supplemental, Cigna) sent me a notice of discontinuation. I sat there for a moment in disbelief because the same exact thing happened a year ago with Coventry. After my initial frustration of having to search providers, I settled down and began my search.

I called Secure Horizon. After our initial intro's, in which the Rep was happy,we got to business. He started asking for enrollment information and that's when our exchange went haywire. I told him I was on dialysis with End Stage Renal Disease. He told me he could not insure me. He said no one in GA will insure Me. I said, What about Obama Care and not denying people with preexisting conditions? Not being able to be dropped? He told me to go to the website and it states it clearly. Insurance companies are enrolling people through the Medicare websites, yet are not disclosing criterias that make you ineligible.  So I called Medicare and as was told I did not meet the criteria due to my recent diagnosis of ESRD. I asked what was the deal with any Insurer being able to sell a policy in one state and then drop them at the end of the year because they don't make a profit? The bottom line, it's common practice. So, I don't qualify under the regulations for Supplenmental Healthcare policy.  How can anyone in a similar position have any peace of mind?  For now I must go to Origial Medicare and be responsible for the 20% co-insurance.

Clearly the big Insurers knew exactly what they were doing when they lined the pockets of the Politicians.  I am sitting in dialysis posting this blog enjoying this ride God is taking me on. His Grace and Mercy has brought me a mighty long way. He Loves Us Very Much!

On a happy note. While in pre-op waiting to have my catheter inserted into my belly this anesthesiologist (about late 60's or so) asked me if he could shake my hand. I asked, "is it because I beat the odds for men with SCD?". He responded, "Yes, I've yet to meet a 56 yr old male with SCD, besides I am suffering a battle with Cancer and know the battle you are fighting."

MY FAITH IN OUR LORD JESUS GREW STRONGER.

Keep Your Head Up

I checked into the hospital, Monday, November 28, 2010, for a proceedure which  would place a catheter into my abdomen allowing access to do home dialysis.  Its called a Peritoneal Catheter to assist in Periotoneal Dialysis.  This was just a routine procedure.  Well, there will  always be setbacks.  Yet, God has a wonderful plan tor you.  Just stay thankful and prayerful so you can eventually appreciate the outcome.

My hemoglobin had dropped from 8.5 to 5.2 gm/dl over a periods of a week. To say the least this is not a good sign.  The Dr's. want to continue my scheduled surgery and so the search was on to find me blood.  As I have stated before the Blood Bank has real difficulty matching my blood due to the amount of antibodies.  Typically, I have to wait for 5 days and the units arrive in two's. Although I was prepared for this wait, God had a new plan....just for you.  My 4 units arrived within the day. Praise be to  God Almighty.

  Hope all have a wonderful and safe "Holiday Season.  Keep me in Your Prayers.  So I am here in
 dialysis ready to receive my transfusion.  Thank you God and The American Red Cross.

I will be; Chatting, Tweeting, and Face book the outcome so stay tuned.  Keep it moving and keep your head up.

Many Questions ...Many Concerns Dialysis

One of my lagging issues after leaving the hospital is a decision to do Hemodialysis or Peritoneal at home.  It has to do with lifestyle.  You see being retired gives me some flexibility but I find that my desires conflict. Having said that,Prayer always works.


Hopefully I've placed the proper considerations in place and come up with an answer.

I decided on peritoneal because in the long run I will be able to dialyze daily or at night while I am asleep.    Hopefully, the consideration about cleanliness and infection won't be a problem since I am always conscious about infection.  I've worn a permacat for the last two months and had no infection.  I  do have a slight concern, all those fluids in my body at night and whether the Baxter pump will do the job.  Oh well, everything has its risk.

My other diatribe, if that's the right word, I am not a big fan of Davita, the clinic where I am currently being dialyzed.  I think they are inefficient and place the patient at risk due to being overburdened. That is why trying to give a return to investors based on numbers and people does not work. You see when companies outsource and cut corners ultimately the patient is at risk.  We must speak up each and every time we feel uncomfortable from the caregivers we are assigned to. We can't let the system drive us. We must drive the system as customers.

Catheter placement Dec.1. Wish me well!

What are your thoughts.?